Forgotten How to Feel Happy

Sometimes it's seems like I have forgotten how to feel joy even doing the things that used to make me feel good. I've gotten so caught up in being down lately I don't remember how to feel happy. I'm not suicidal, so no worries, I'm in for the long haul, I just may not enjoy it all. I want to be happy but I don't remember how. It seems like all of my life dreams have been shattered and are irrepairable and I have never been without a dream before. I feel lost, I have no focus, no direction, no ability, nothing to contribute. I feel like a useless lump of nothingness waisting precious air. (Seriously, I'm NOT suicidal, just a little sad!) I stay sick all of all of the time with all of the meds I am on for my illness which is still not doing well and the pain bothers me so much. I hate the way people stare at me when I'm have to go into to a public place, I feel like a mutant with no cool powers to back me up. I really don't want to go any where any more and that really includes family get togethers because I hate having to wear that goofy looking medical mask that makes my face hot. I hate doctors not listening to me or saying I can't be right only to discover that I am right when my condition becomes much worse or has damaged something else!